You’re a wizard Harry, but not The Dragon you seriously don’t want to be The Dragon. Why? Because that would mean you are associated with Lichdom Battlemage, and you want to avoid that like the fucking plague or those Nazgul fuckers from the Harry Potter movies. Hello everyone Brandon here with what quite possibly might be the worst game I’ve played all year. Now I must say this is the console version only I hear decent things about the PC version of Lichdom Battlemage, but Xbox One version can lick my taint. I was thinking 2016 was being a decent year not too many great games so far, but from what I played no piles of shit either. Until now. Let’s see how making you an overpowered mage with fire, ice and psychic powers can be even close to being a piss poor game. The story is of course generic as all hell. You are The Dragon which is a mage who can shoot fire from his hands and it is your job to free the land from this darkness that has been oppressed by this dark magic. Not personal enough for the players? Let the main characters wife/girlfriend get killed and now you have to go out on revenge. Well not only is it cliché to find out you are some “chosen one”, but you need revenge on the mustache twirling bad guy as well. The game doesn’t have a deep nor interesting story in the slightest. It seemed like a bit later in the game they were trying to maybe build it more into an epic, but good Christ I couldn’t care less if what happened to anyone in this game. The story is about as interesting and almost the same one as Arcania Gothic 4 which I reviewed last year and hated that just as bad. The game looks God awful, and with this being a delayed game I’d love to know how. Seriously how the hell do you make an Xbox One game look as if it was an Original Xbox game? I’m not being internet hyperbolic this game looks like a blocky mess, and it is so dark on my bright ass TV I think they did that to hide the shitty textures. The game doesn’t stop there they said, “Jim we made the game look like ass how can we make it sound like shit as well?” Well they came up with that solution by shitty voice acting. I think they got the original Resident Evil actors and told them to just try and sound witty. All of this might make for at least a mediocre game if the gameplay was at least fun. Sadly it is boring and a bit confusing. So it is a first person mage game, or the slowest FPS you’ve ever played. Imagine if you played Skyrim in first person and could only use magic spells. Now take away 75% of the spells you’d get in Skyrim, and then make them barely usable. Sounds fun? They kept telling me I could mix spells and make them more powerful, but for the life of me I couldn’t do anything of the sort. I think I leveled up my magic, but I never noticed a difference. Say if you wanted to freeze an enemy with ice then hit him with a fire ball. Well switching between spells is so slow by the time the fireball is ready the enemy is already free. Basically I ended up just sticking with the fire power because it seemed like the only power that did a fucking thing. I do admit with my go, go attitude when it comes to tutorials in games I may have missed something, but it is up to the game to at least make the basics of what the game is up front. So if all that isn’t enough the games frame rate is shit. It is a jittery mess, and this is noticeable to me a guy who couldn’t tell 30 frames per second to 60. Then the icing on the cake is generic enemies that range from brown blobby cultist (remember bad graphics) to skeletons. I know skeletons oh lord they must’ve been up all night thinking of that starting enemy. I didn’t finish the game so I can say how long it was, but damn I just don’t have time to put into playing shit damn unplayable games. So I know by now you are definitely wondering the score, right? Ha. Let me say if you see this at a garage sale and they will sell it to you for a quarter. You call them a snake oil salesman and go buy yourself a gumball you earned that gumball by avoiding this sack of shit game. I had a frown the entire time playing this game. I give it a 0/5. Fuck this game, and fuck whoever decided that this was a finished product. Hey a lot of anger was in the ending of this, but I’d love to hear your thoughts on this game. Hell maybe I missed something. Let me know your opinion below.
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