Welcome to another film series that has been Legoized. Hello B-rod here again to bring you to a world where dinosaurs are stuck on a island and everything is half Legos and half actual material. As some wise man mentioned in today's day in age if you want your movie tie in games you have to look to Lego to make it because they are all that is left doing it. That's not a bad thing in my opinion because at least the Lego games are quality. Yeah they are kind of the same game over and over, but this time we have Lego Jeff Goldblum. So So uh uh without further ado let lets review this sucker. (Okay I won't Goldblum)
The game takes you through all four Jurassic Park movies. In all honesty I really had fun playing through the first movie. Much like Lego Lord of the Rings they have the movie audio spliced into the game. Which I'll get to that a bit later, but if you ever wanted to go through the events of the movies minus any tension and add a lot more goofiness to it then this is your game. This game is has the most goofy humor, but it happens more often than not in scenes that probably should be more of a tense experience than ridiculous. This is a kids game of course so it isn't meant to scare the shit out of the children, but it has an odd lack of death. When I say lack I mean none at all. This may seem like a weird thing to be asking for in a Lego game, but it really is an odd choice on their part because Jurassic Park games aren't particularly bloody or violent in anyway. In the scene where the raptor sneaks up on the hunter and the line "cleaver girl" is uttered the character doesn't die he just runs away. They even took away the guns that were in the movie and replaced them with tasers and tranquilizer guns. I only bring this up because Lego Lord of the Rings had swords, war and characters dying, and Lego pirates had the guns and death as well. It just seems weird after all these titles to take that away. Like I said I GET THESE GAMES ARE FOR KIDS, and I'm not knocking this game for doing it, I actually would get this for my young nephew. As long as you like the entire series and not just the first movie like me then this is going to be a great experience. The sound like I mentioned uses the audio from the film. Unlike in Lego Lord of the Rings it doesn't sound as professional. At some points mainly in the first movie portion of the game it sounds like they took the clip off of Youtube and just made the file a mp3, and presto. They did something different then Lego Lord of the Rings in how they also mixed their own dialog in the movie. They did it quite well honestly. Some of the random dialog is hilarious, and the sound alikes they get for the better well known actors are pretty spot on. The game looks really good as well. The colors all jump out at you, and with the new systems that can add a lot more tiny Lego pieces to fall all over the place. The game is well a Lego game. It seems that the puzzles are super easy which is great for young ones but older games will find it a cake walk. They add a ton of running away sequences which is cool the first time, but gets repetitive as time goes on. There is some replayability, but since all that consist of is collecting I feel it loses some value in that. Playing as a dinosaur is ok. At no point did it feel like it was time to be king shit of fuck mountain instead it was more like "oh I am a bigger Lego character". It isn't very long if you aren't a collector type so it is hard to recommend for those who aren't either huge fans of Jurassic Park or have kids. Overall it is fun, and another Lego game to add to the list of movies that have been Legoized. I had fun but have a hard time telling even Lego game fans to buy this game. It is a good weekend rental for both you and the kids. I give this a 3/5. My only wish is the next Lego game is Lego God of War, I need some gratuitous violence. I leave with a different question than usual. How many times did I say Lego in this review?
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Who needs The Witcher 3, or Elder Scrolls Online. When you want a fantasy RPG the glory of Arcania: The Complete tale has you covered. This game has it all slow unrewarding swordplay. A magic system that is just shooting bolts of colors at the enemy, bad AI, horrific voice acting, and graphics that look like they were from the PS2 era. So put down your quality games and strap in for this cliche, boring as fuck adventure. Hello folks B-rod here and I think I gave my entire review away in my what should have been on the back of the box of ArcaniA: The complete Tale. I'll go into a more in depth critique of this game; spoiler alert this game is garbage remastered game that no one played when it was on the PS3, 360.
The story is the most cliche story ever. This borrows heavily from Star Wars. You are a farm boy whos city and family are killed and burned you follow an old adventure who has trained you to be a fighter to go stop an evil king from taking over. This is a fantasy version that copies that chosen one bullshit trope but it is so fucking lazy about its story that it makes the easiest story to write boring as hell. The story was so bad I stopped paying attention about halfway through this game which is saying alot because this is a long 12-15 hour story that I played to the end. Your character whose name is so irrelevant I shall call him Sir Generic Asshole. Is this whiny, dickhole who looks like a reject from some boy band so he is taking his frustrations out on the first person who tell him no. They give you a semi choice in the dick dialog on what you are going to do. I found that if you act like an asshole the game goes by quicker and this games story is so linear that even all my dick decisions I had no consequences at all. The games ends with the beginning of Fall of Seraph and I hate to say it but there was no way I was starting the DLC to this shit game. Like I said in the opening the voice acting is horrible. Nordic Games should have just left it out. I'd rather read than to listen to some dude read off a sheet of paper. They try to emote during this game and it comes off far more laughable than I think it was meant to. I've seen high school kids act a helluva lot better than this shit. This sound design is so bad I had moments where the sound effects would just be gone. So I'd be swinging my sword and hitting the enemy but no sound would be present. The graphics are so bad I could fool people by saying it was a PS2 game I got working on my PS4. This is a shame too, because if I hand this game any credit it would be some of the environments would look awesome if they actually put some time into this game to make it look like it belongs on this generation. Saying that, this game has a horrible issue with caves. I was in the same fucking cave just with tunnels mixed around for about 5 hours of this 12-15 hour game. THE SAME CAVE. There was no difference in these caves that they force you to go in. This is so fucking lazy that it actually makes me angry. Moving away from the graphics and story let us move on to the gameplay. So I started to play this after The Witcher 3. The Witcher 3 had amazing gameplay with swordplay that was both challenging and fun, that looked like bloody art. This fighting is more like when you give kids a cardboard tubes and have them swing at eachother. Your character can use a sword, a bow or magic scrolls. What they can't do is get behind a blocking enemy fight if enemies surround them, or even walk up a hill. The games combat is worse than games that came out in the PS2 era, I can think of at least five RPG, or action RPGs that were during that time that play better than this "remastered" game. The AI is not only stupid but it is buggy as shit. The AI has this ability to teleport near you if they get caught on the environment. I think it is because instead of making the AI walk around the rock let us make it disappear and reappear right in front of you. I also must mention that the AI has one way it can do any significant damage to you but every single enemy must wind up its attack for 15 seconds to give you plenty of time to dodge. This game has so many problems I am just going to start listing them. The quest map won't always show you where to go nor if it is aboveground or underground, for a "open world" game they have way too many invisible walls, there is no run speed so you must lightly jog everywhere in the game, the fast travel only works when you find two point that can only work between those two points, it might give you cancer, and last the game has the gall to charge 30 dollars for this mess of a game; 5 dollars is pushing it. The one good thing about this game is that there are no inventory limits which is good because the entire game I found one trader by accident because Nordic Games couldn't be bothered to put it on the mini map. Overall this game is a mess of all messes. I can't think of any reason for anyone to ever play this game. I've been a big proprietor of these Remastered games coming to the PS4 and Xbox One, but if they were garbage games like this leave them in the past. What's next Morphx or how about Heavy Fire Shattered Spear? I give this a .5/5, I give it that 1/2 point because it was a functioning game, the term game is really pushing it here. What scares me the most if I'm not mistaken Nordic games has the IP for Darksiders. Nordic please don't fuck this up unlike the ArcaniA series those games were actually well beloved. I leave with a question more of a prediction. Will Nordic Games fuck up the Darksiders franchise? So often people will throw out game of the year when they find a game they love. The Witcher 3 Wild Hunt isn't just my game of the year, this is my GAME OF ALL TIME. I fucking love this game. Few games do I deem perfect but Witcher 3 is what all fantasy games should strive to be. This is the quality we all should expect from our action RPGs. I have always been a huge fan of this series and CD Projeckt Red does not disappoint. Hell I've been gushing over this game so much I forgot to say my hello. Welcome gamers B-rod here again and I may find a state that lets me legally marry this game. WIthout further ado let me tell you why this game is a must play.
The Wild Hunt story is finishing off the trilogy of the Witcher series in a very interesting way. Unlike most third entries you are not required to have had played the first two to understand what is going on. Much like in the books containing Geralt; this game is a continuation and a self contained story all in one. So for those of you that missed The Witcher 1, and 2 fear not this game will be just as enjoyable. The story is about Geralt (who is a monster hunter) tracking down his surrogate daughter Ciri to save her from The Wild Hunt. That is the base premise believe me there is so much that I won't mention to keep those who haven't gotten it to have a fresh untainted experience. This game actually made me not only care about the characters but feel an array of emotions. I felt anger with the antagonist, laughter, bloodlust, and hell I even got teary eyed in a couple of scenes. This game has such great writing and storytelling. The game has multiple ending based off decisions you make throughout the game. My friend and I were playing the game to see who'd finish first and we'd discuss what'd happen in our stories. He had killed people I didn't, and I had done certain missions complete opposite than what he had done. This is grade A storytelling and it makes me wish that most third entries in games could have this kind of finish. The game is the best looking game out on the new generation of consoles. This world looks alive and feels alive. It will actually change over time due to the choices you make. The game is a work of art come to life. For those of you that have some blood lust; The Witcher 3 has you covered. Chopping off heads, and cleaving bodies in two has never been a beautiful as it is now. The game sound is fantastic. The game is all fully voice acted with each actor sounding like a professional. While Geralt character has a monotone (his character isn't supposed to have emotions) the voice actor still some how manages to convey emotions, and tones while still keeping this gravelly monotone voice. The gameplay is what I've been looking for in a fantasy game. When you are fighting with a sword it seems very realistic. While you the player may be jamming on the square button, Geralt is doing the art of water dancing. He is doing these low cuts, high cuts spin moves, it is truly something just to watch him fight. On normal the game is the exact amount of challenge I love in games. It keeps you on your toes, while not being stupid hard. The fact not every enemy can be beaten by your sword alone. Each enemy has a certain weakness to blade oils, magic signs or perhaps just a good ole fashion bombs. In doing that the game never feels repetitive in the slightest. The game has a open world like Skyrim, but with it constantly changing and new mission that are all unique in every way you will have over 100 hours of top notch gameplay here. Overall the game is perfect. I really have no issues with this game at all. It would melt away hours for me and when I wasn't playing it I would think about the game. CD Projekt Red is my favorite developer for creating such an experience with this series. If you were on the fence about this game I urge you to find any way to play it; whether it be beg borrow or steal just get your hands on this. I give this a 5/5. I'm a bit sad I now must move on from this game. I of course leave with a question. What are your favorite games of all time? |
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