George Lucas didn't rape my childhood. I just want to make that statement clear, but anyways hey everyone Brandon here again with another review. Don't you worry the old reviews aren't replacing everything else on the site it is just at the moment. I just want to make sure everyone knows which Clone Wars I am going to be talking about. This is the 2008 movie that spawned the TV show, not the 2003 mini series. Now that little worm is outta the way lets discuss "everyone's" favorite Star Wars movie in the franchise. The plot that they would use for a pilot for the TV series is so pathetic it should've been a mid-season episode not a full feature length film. The plot is Jabba the Hutts kid has been kidnapped by the droid army and it is up to the Jedi to get him back safely. Now I don't know about the rest of you guys and girls out there but Star Wars has always been about a great conflict of some kind not just saving some gangsters wormling. Seriously all the really good Star Wars stories are this big conflicts that affect many lives. Now I know what you're thinking, "Well Brandon in the movie they say the Hutts control the Outer Rim and they need to help them to be able to move their troops." I say to you no they don't, all they need to do is be, "Hey we have a army of Clones if you don't want us to shut you down let us through." But I digress; the movie could've just focused on a epic battle or a new Sith, or how much moisture farmers fucking make I don't care just not Jedi babysitting service. Lets not forget how this movie is supposed to set up for a TV show so the plot ends with no real resolution and no beaten antagonist. Literally nothing happened and it bugged the shit out of me. The animation isn't terrible, nor is it pixar quality. I do agree they make them look a lot more like toys than ever before, but George loves them toy sales so can you blame him. One of the saving graces to this movie is the battles. Now the battle have no real parel in them for any speaking characters but they are fun to watch. It is nice to see some battles take place in the Clone Wars timeline and the death toll is pretty damn big, which I can appreciate. The voice acting overall is pretty damn good. Matt Lanter voices Anakin and he sounds way less whiny than Hayden Christensen. Matt has been is some bad movies but he is for the most part a voice acting veteran in kids TV. James Arnold Taylor voices Obi-wan and he is amazing at that. The guy damn near sounds like Ewan Mcgregor I had to look it up to see if it was him or not. This guy has voice acted in so many things it's not even funny. He is a BAMF in the voice acting business look his IMDB up and see if he voiced something you liked. Last is Ashley Eckstein who voices Ahsoka; Anakin's new apprentice. I don't blame her for her character being annoying; I blame the writers. She is supposed to be this spunky kid for a younger audience, and that is the worst thing to make a Jedi. Padawan or not no one who has trained their whole life to be a Jedi acts like a bratty teen. Isn't that the whole part of the discipline, before becoming a Padawan? Her character is the worst in this movie and brings it down a whole score in the rating. In the end this is probably my least favorite Star Wars movie to have had ever come out. They should've picked a better overall plot and made the Ahsoka character less punchable. I cannot recommend anyone watch this even on Netflix. Watch the show it is much, much better. I give this a 2/5 it has few redeeming qualities but not enough for a passing score. Let the force guide you my fellow moviegoers to a better film.
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The review train is moving and Brandon is back to talk about the Alien "prequel" known as Prometheus. Just to make sure you all understand I don't count this as any prequel, it has little to nothing to do with the original film besides the fact they just put the names of the things they mention in the original film. Anyways enough of the pre-ramble review lets jump in this black goo and see what happens. Prometheus suffers from something that a lot of prequel stories suffer from; trying to reference the original film too often. This movie is a bit more subtle with it than say the Star Wars prequels were but it still gets to the point to where it gets a little annoying. An example of what I am talking about is the whole android being all homicidal for NO REASON except the fact the one in the original was. I won't say what he does but it is very left field and never explained. In this movie the plot is about these group of scientist finding our creator, which was apparently a group of white as fuck aliens. This movie could've been our new hit that everyone would be clamoring for more but I think the biggest issue they face is lack of explanation. They don't explain why David turns evil, or what the black goo really is, or the ending scene which just makes everyone scratch their head and think "but why?". A lot of the characters in this movie are like in most horror sci-fi movies they are just there to be killed off. The main character Elizabeth Shaw (who resembles Sigourney Weaver) is rather bland and I have a hard time connecting with her. I do feel sorry for this character halfway through the second act of the film, but that's only because of the circumstances she is put through. If they just explained more and made a choice between being a spiritual prequel and being a straight up prequel this plot would've been a masterpiece instead of just a good story. Ridley Scott comes back to direct this movie and he does a great job with what he does. I don't blame him for the script issues I blame the two writers for that. Ridley does this amazing thing where he makes the planet barren and seem so foreign that it seems creepy and ominous before anything bad even happens. It is also to this day one of the most beautiful movies I've seen in a long time. He also brings the gore in this movie ten fold to the point to where even someone who is desensitised to movie violence like me would cringe. The creature choice while not explained looks very creepy and damn near real. The acting is done by some very decent actors I'll name the ones that stuck out otherwise we will be here all day. Noomi Rapace she is our new female damsel turned badass in this movie. Noomi has been in the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series (non-American remake) and this is her first big American movie role. She didn't blow my socks off in any fashion but she got the point across. Michael Fassbender is David who is a android. He knocks it out of the park with this role. I honestly could see an entire movie from his point of view, I just wish they dug into his character more just to explain his actions a bit better. Last actor I will mention is Charlize Theron who is Meredith Vickers. She plays cold hearted bitch so well that you just want to hate fuck her. (Yeah she is hot give me a break) The rest of the acting cast is great like Idris Elba and Guy Pearce they fill their roles nice. At the end this movie is still a fun movie with an actual sequel in pre-production. I had a fun time watching just think they could've cleared some things up is all. I don't completely understand the hate to this movie but I do see its flaws. I give this a 3.5/5 it is a fun movie to check out. You can find it dirt cheap so I'd say buy it on blu ray for the amazing visuals. Until next time you face huggers. Oh you found this page excellent, Brandon here to talk about everyone's love child in the Spider-man series; Spider-man 2. I am in the minority in not enjoying this film as much as the rest of you; not to say that it is a bad film, but well will get into the issues I have with it later in the review. So lets web sling this bad boy on and talk about the plot to this movie. The plot to this movie is an interesting one it has the main plot of Doctor Octopus Vs Spider-man and then has a less interesting sub plot of Peter Parker finding himself. The Doc Ock stuff is fantastic when they introduce him he is not a bad guy. He is a guy who has the whole science experiment gone wrong thing happen to him. Now I feel that his motives on why he is evil is flawed as hell. Ok he wants to finish his project and is willing to rob banks and fight Spidey to finish it. But he wasn't a bad guy so his turn to just straight up killing people makes no sense from a character standpoint. The Peter Parker finding himself subplot is mixed with the Mary Jane love thing and holy crap can you see two people have less chemistry than these two. It is so drawn out and just there to try and demonstrate Peters struggle but it is just poor structure all around. The subplot they should have expanded on and they give only a few 30 second scenes to is the Harry and Peter conflict. While Harry doesn't know who Spider-man is yet they could've expanded on this to help out a sequel that may or may not have shown up. It isn't a bad story, I just have a huge problem with them focusing the entire second act on Peter finding himself. We paid to see Spider-man not Peter go through an identity crisis. The director is Sam Raimi as most of you know and I will give him one thing he can get some pretty damn cool shots in this. The scene below is one of my favorite scenes because it is unlike any other in this movie. Sam Raimi goes back to his roots for a moment and creates what is essentially a horror scene that is just shot as if it was a monster flick. Sam also knows how to shoot fight scenes that are long and exciting the whole time you watch. He only drops the ball with the dialog scenes which I don't entirely blame him or the screenwriters which this is a group script so I can't get into all of them. The acting is fine in this movie the best actor by far is Alfred Molina who is Doc Ock. He does his role perfectly and you actually feel a bit sorry for him at times while also laughing at his dumb jokes, and taking him serious when he talks about peeling flesh off of skin. Tobey Maguire is just a ok Spider-man, by what I mean he is kind of a pussy. Peter Parker (after he is Spider-man) isn't a pushover still he is a funny outgoing guy not some pussy until he wears a mask. Kirsten Dunst CAN NOT ACT FOR SHIT. Every role she has been in she has just chewed the scenery like the beaver she is. Also they make her such a cunt in this movie I don't want Peter Parker to get with Mary Jane because she is this two timing bitch. In the end this movie isn't bad but it is not my favorite Spider-man movie by far. If it is your favorite I didn't mean to offend you in any fashion. I just saw some flaws and honestly I could point out a few more but anyways let me get into the rating. I give this a 3/5. It is a average movie, in comparison to todays super hero movies. Until next time true believers, uh yeah that was bad I'll leave that to Stan Lee. |
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